Eternal Fire of a Dying Soul
by TreenBeen
Summary: Severus Snape has suffered his entire life. His father who is a wizard in this story is cruel and sadistic, and when he reaches school, who knows what might happen! :Abuse, torture, pairings, slight language:
1. Chapter One: My Choice?

**Disclaimer: I do not own HP or anything else for that matter, which is why it is called a fanfiction, but this is the only disclaimer I am going to write for this story because I hate writing these. **

**Summary: Someone is suffering, and they have been for a long time. Abuse, Anger, Sadness, Lonliness, Feeling of Abandon, and Hatred course through them constantly, forcing them to recollect their life as they go through it day by day, hating every instant while also relishing every moment. Follow along as they tell us how they feel. **

**You will find out who it is at the end of the chapter.**

**Chapter One: My Choice**

Have I forgotten what it feels like? Have I forgotten the taste of a laugh on my lips, and the warmth of a smile on my cheeks? A warm breeze brushes past me as I ponder these thoughts again and again in my head, giving myself the same answer repeatedly until it sounds bitter, even in my own head. I Don't Know.

I don't know if I have forgotten what it feels like, because I do not know what it felt like. The last time I felt these things, I was but an infant in my mother's arms… or at least, the last time I did them willingly. My father put an end to all of that as soon as I could walk. He made sure that I did only what I was told I could do. Nothing more, nothing less, only what he commanded, when he commanded it, with no complaints; which is why my silent plea went unheard… why my cries fell on deaf ears. There was no one willing to help me.

No one wanted me; no one cared about me enough to notice the bruise on my face, or the cuts on my arms when I arrived at Hogwarts each year. If they had, they would have looked harder. They would have realized that I did not "fall down" or "scrape against a corner stone" as I told them year after year. No child is that clumsy, at least, none that I know.

My bitter thoughts swim around my head one after another as I arrive at the iron gates. I glance up at them for a moment as a flood of memories rushes my mind all at once before shutting them down. I run my pale fingers over the cold, strong bars, relishing the icy chill it brings my hand, sending a shock through my nerves, up my arm, bringing me out of my thoughts for only a moment as I wonder if I have made the right choice. Am I doing this for myself? Will he approve?

I turn abruptly away from the bars as slam my back into them, running a hand through my dark hair as I growl in frustration at my own accursed thoughts. Why should I care? Why should I give a damn what he thinks?

Because, I realize in horror, that is all I know. Every single thought, every word that comes out of my mouth, is from _him._ I face the gates again in disgust, with myself, and with him. This had better work. I will _not _take it anymore.

I open the latch with a simple _alohomora_ and walk into the graveyard where we have chosen to meet. I close the gates behind me as silently as possible, and walk forward for what seems like ages. Suddenly, I see them. A circle of figures dressed in black with white masks that look like death. I suppress a shudder as I step forward again. The last step seems to be over all to quickly as I enter the circle and stand in the middle of all of them.

"Ah…" he says, his red eyes glinting in the moonlight. "Glad you could join us."

So here I am, Severus Snape, seventeen and joining the Death Eaters in a lifelong mission to grovel at Lord Voldemort's feet. Why? Because maybe, just maybe, he won't hate me so much if I do this.

**A/n: so tell me what you think, and if I should make more chapters for it. Thanks for reading, and please review, because I am desperate for them. **


	2. Chapter Two: Daddy?

**A/n: Well, I didn't get too many reviews on the first bit, but hey, what can I expect! Thanks to Jacksfluzey and Phx-Songbird for their kind words!**

**Disclaimer: (NOTE: THIS WILL BE MY LAST FOR THE STORY!) I do not own Harry Potter or the Song/ Lullaby Baby Mine.**

**Chapter Two: Daddy?**

My name is Severus Snape, but mummy calls me Sevvy. Daddy doesn't call me either one. He calls me "boy" or "little bastard" or other things like that, but I don't know what they mean sometimes. I am seven years old today. Mummy says I am a big boy now and that I shouldn't act like a little boy any more. She says that I should not cry when daddy hits me, or ask daddy for a hug.

Mummy says that it is alright for me to ask her for a hug, and to cry sometimes, but not when daddy is around, because he will get mad at me for acting like a baby. She says that if I am good today, she will bring me a special treat of chocolate cake tonight when daddy is sleeping. I am trying so very hard to be good, but somehow daddy is still getting mad at me.

He is holding a funny looking bottle in his hand, and the stuff inside does not smell very nice. Sometimes when he has had about three of those strange bottles, he gets very very angry and yells at mummy and me and sometimes he hits us to. He hits me a lot, not as much as mummy, but no one knows that. Today he has had two of the bottles and I am sitting trying to be very quite, staring at my trainers, so that, if I am good, I may have some cake.

Daddy yells at mummy for her to bring him another bottle. That makes three. I really wished very hard one a shooting star last night that maybe, if I was good, and mummy was nice, he would only have one or two bottles, and not get angry like he does. I guess the star didn't hear me.

Daddy throws the bottle against the wall and screams at my mummy, who talks to him with nice words, saying that he should go for a walk, and some air, and then she falls down, because my daddy pushed her. Mummy looks at me and uses her mind-words to tell me to go to my room. I nod and get up without a sound and go up the stairs to my green and black and silver bedroom and climb on my bed.

I hear strange noises from downstairs, and I wonder what is happening to my mummy. I hear daddy yelling and then he storms up the stairs, and I am scared for a minute, but he just goes to their room and slams the door. So I wait. Suddenly, I feel very sad, and I begin to cry, because I so wished that for my birthday I would have a nice daddy for just one day.

Mummy comes in a while later with a plate. On the plate are two pieces of cake and some candles. She puts one in my cake and lights them with her wand as I cry quietly into her robes. She puts it on the desk for a moments and I blow it out, still crying. She gathers me up in her arms and places me head on her shoulder before she sings slowly: "Baby mine, don't you cry, Baby mine, dry your eyes, rest your head close to my heart,  
never to part, baby of mine. Little one when you play, don't you mind what you say, let those eyes sparkle and shine, please never a tear, baby of mine. If he knew sweet little you, He'd end up loving you too, All those same people who scold you, What they'd give just for the chance to hold you., from your head to your toes your not much, goodness knows but your so precious to me cute as can be, baby of mine." I slowly drift off to sleep while mummy holds me, rocking slowly and singing. I snuggle into her shoulder as my tears stop and I start to hiccup. Mummy laughs and holds me close, and keeps singing until I fall asleep.

When I wake up, mummy is gone, and there is a piece of chocolate cake on my desk just for me.


	3. Chapter Three: Trees

**A/n: Hello. I have come to update, once more, and for this segment of the story and all portions onward, I must point out once again: the last chapter was the last one that will have a disclaimer. Why? Because they are annoying and no fun to write. Now, onward. **

**Chapter Three: Trees**

My name is Severus Snape. I turn nine in two weeks, and no matter how many times people ask me why I have a bruise on my cheek, or a cut on my arm, I don't tell them. They don't care… not really. No one really does. They just ask because they feel like they have to. And they don't. I can take care of myself.

I look up at the big tree I am sitting under, and stare at the weird patterns on the bark and the leaves that stretch probably about 50 feet up. Glancing at the house, I decide that I probably shouldn't do what I am about to do… and then do it anyway. Jumping up and grabbing the lowest branch, I latch on with my long fingers and, getting a good grip, pull myself up, and place my feet firmly on the branch. Testing my weight on it, and seeing that it won't break, I grab a branch on the other side of the tree and swing myself over to it, once again pulling myself up. I repeat the process until I am about fifteen or twenty feet up. A gust of wind brushes my face just as I hear it.

"Boy!" my father screams from the back door of our mansion. "What the _hell_ do you think you are doing?"

Oh no… I knew I shouldn't have done this. "I… I was just… I…"

"Can't you speak, boy? Damn little…" he trails off and, glowering at me, stalks over to the tree. I try to scramble down as fast as I can, but I only make it about 7 feet. My father reaches up and grabs my foot, yanking me down. I grab a branch as I cry out, holding on for dear life, not wanting to fall to the ground. I have cuts all over my arms from sliding down across the tree branches. He lets go, and I drop to the ground, landing on my feet, my toes rubbing painfully on the inside of my trainers. My father, the huge 6'4 man that he is, reaches down and grabs me by the scruff of my neck, shoving me toward the patio door.

I know what is coming, but still, I can't help myself as I say, "I-I'm sorry, sir."

"Sorry?" he hisses, grabbing my arm and whipping me around to face him as we reach the house. "I called you three times, boy, and you know you aren't to climb trees. What if the Malfoys had seen you? What would Damarcus think if he saw you? He would gloat, that's what he would do, about how his son is proper and full of leadership ability. You know, he doesn't have to punish Lucius the way I have to punish you. Lucius is a good boy." He smirks at this, as he throws me away from him and slams the door as I rub my sore arm.

The Malfoys arrive at our house later that evening. Mother stands close to me while father greets Damarcus and praises Lucius for a potion he brewed in their home earlier that day. I hang my head, and mother gives my shoulder a squeeze, which makes me hiss in pain, ever so quietly. She gives me an apologetic look. She had forgotten that father had used the belt.

Finally, the greetings are complete, and they send Lucius and me to my room. He looks at my uncomfortable posture and the way I sit and catches my eye.

"Again?" is all he says. I bite my lip and nod. He shakes his blonde head slowly. "Damn, Sev. What did you do now?" I know he isn't mad at me, just frustrated with my father.

"Climbed a tree… didn't hear him calling me." I say, looking away. I see him pull something out of his robe out of the corner of my eye. He says "drink" and hands it to me. I do. It tastes awful.

"Ugh… what was that?" I ask, handing the vial back to him.

"What I brewed this morning. Healing potion." He says, coming to sit next to me on the bed. "I thought you might need it, so I brought it along, just incase."

"Lucius… thank you. I…"

"Don't mention it." He glances at the clock on my wall. "Come on… let's go eat." He is the only one that knows. I smile at him, more grateful to him for keeping this a secret than he will ever know, and follow him downstairs for dinner.


	4. Chapter Four: Caught with a Muggle

My name is Severus Snape. I am ten years old, and my father treats me differently than other people treat their children. I live at Number 13, Spinners End, and my only friends are Lucius Malfoy and Lily Evans, a muggle. I can't wait until next year… Hogwarts. One year of freedom from my house, from my father, from the beatings… but that is also one year away from Lily… oh, I wish that she could come with me to Hogwarts… to see magic, and learn it, and than…. well… who knows.

I am sitting on a swing in a park near my home. The sun beats down on my face, and my shirt clings to me as I sit… not swinging… not kicking… just sitting. It's extremely hot today, and I wish that I was out of the sun, but it's better out here than it is at home. There is no one else here. Just me, all alone, but that is alright.

I sigh as I sit here, pushing a pebble around with my toe.

"Sev?" a voice calls. I jump and look up. "Sev, is that you?" It's Lily. Her red hair is flying behind her as she runs toward me, with a huge smile on her face, and her emerald green eyes are shining in the sunlight.

"Hi, Lily," I say as she stops before me. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine… how are you?" she asks me, pulling a strand of her hair behind her left ear.

"Fine…" I mumble, a lie I commonly tell, looking at the ground. Her hand reaches for mine, grabbing it and pulling me up.

"Come on," she says, smiling sadly. "Let's play!" I smile back and she pulls me towards the slide. We climb the ladder quickly and go down together, trying to make ourselves go faster because the metal is so hot, even through our jeans. We reach the bottom swiftly, and go again. When I reach the bottom, I realize that she is standing behind me. She tags my shoulder playfully and races off toward the swings. I race after her and we are soon enthralled in our game.

"Well, well, well… who's this, boy?" I hear a voice near me as I run around after Lily, and stop dead in my tracks. Turning slowly, I come face to face with my father. He has a smug smirk on his face as he asks about Lily, who sees that I have stopped and jogs over to us. When she reaches us, she tucks some of her fiery hair behind her ear and looks up at my father.

"Hello, sir, are you Severus' father?" she asks politely. I feel sick. I have just been caught with a muggle… this cannot lead to anything good.

"Yes, I am. My, what a pretty little witch she is, eh, Severus?" he sounds pleased, as if she might be good for marriage later. He looks her up and down just as the weight of his words hits Lily and a perplexed look crosses her face. _Please, Lily, don't say anything,_ my mind screams, even as she says crossly:

"_Excuse _me?" My father looks at her in surprise. "I am _not _a witch. Why would you even say something like that?" She crosses her arms across her chest as my father turns to glare at me. I cower slightly.

"Sir… I---" I begin, but my father silences me, grabbing my arm and pulling me away swiftly. I hiss in pain and Lily gasps in surprise as I am dragged away. I catch Lily's eye and say "Go home, Lily," just as my father begins his rant. She is tense. She doesn't understand. My father grabs my chin and makes me face him.

"You mean to tell me, boy, that this little… _muggle_," he hisses in disgust, "is your friend!" I open my mouth to speak, but he continues. "You have been playing with this _filth_? Under my very nose! Well," he says, as he begins to unbuckle his belt, "let's let this little muggle bitch see what happens when she associates with wizards! How dare she! How dare _you_!" I hear Lily gasp and I look over to see a tear rolling down her face.

"Sir, please, I---" he pulls me close by the collar of my shirt. I cry out slightly in surprise as I find my face suddenly inches from his. I feel like all the air has been knocked out of my lungs, and then I immediately slam my eyes shut and wait for a blow. My entire body flinches and I tense when my father speaks again. "We will talk about this when we get home," he hisses.

"Sir, please," I say as he releases my shirt and walks away. "Please…"

"Please what?" he roars.

"Please… I… I want to---" he slaps my face and a tear leaks out of my eye.

"Stop it!" Lily screams from where she stands. "Stop it! You can't do this!" She comes and stands in front of me. She is facing my father with such hatred, such bravery as I have never seen. My father glares down at her.

"What did you say, filth?" he hisses menacingly as Lily wipes some tears away from her emerald green eyes.

"You can't treat him like that!" she screams, taking a defiant stance, clenching her fists. He looks at her in pure rage, hatred blinding his vision.

"Can't I?" he roars, moving toward her. Even as she starts to respond, I put myself in front of her. My father gives me a look of pure disgust and loathing, and scoffs as he walks away, back toward our manor. I wait until he is gone before sitting on the ground. Lily also sits. I feel a tear roll down my cheek and angrily brush it away. She watches me in sad silence, as if she is wondering what to do. Finally, she scoots closer to me, and puts her arm gently around my shoulder. Then, she wordlessly pulls me into a hug… and I begin to cry.


	5. Chapter 5: Locked Up

I sit with Lily's arm around me, crying quietly, for about fifteen minutes. Finally, I take a deep shuddering breath and, wiping my face with my sleeve, started to stand up. Lily moved her hand off my shoulder and takes my arm, raising me up to my feet. I wince in pain.

"Severus?" she whispers, quietly, looking shy and unsure of herself for the first time I have ever seen.

"Yah?" I ask, wiping my nose with my sleeve, trying to catch my breath.

"… thank you," she says, grabbing her left arm with her right hand awkwardly as she bites her lower lip.

"F-for what?" I ask. What is she talking about?

"You… well, you protected me… even when…" she looks away, tears filling her eyes. I take a step toward her and touch her arm gently. She turns to look at me, tears now falling down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Sev. I-I didn't do anything to stop him." She says, her voice breaking, and breaking in turn my heart.

"You tried to, Lily." I tell her "which is more than I have done." I admit sheepishly. The bells start to chime in the distance from the church in the town. One… two… three… four… five… six… "Oh no!" I exclaim, as I begin to run off.

"W-where are you going?" she calls after me.

"I'm late!" I cry out, I can't get in trouble again… not twice in one day. "I'm late for dinner!" She nods, and then takes off in the other direction.

I make it to our road about ten minutes later. Number 19… 18… 17… the houses whiz by as I run so fast I think my lungs will pop. I slip and fall, catching myself with my hands, as I go too fast around the turn into our front walk. I reach the door, grab the handle… it's locked. My house is locked. I know that I have to get inside, or I will be in even more trouble for being later than I already am. The later I am, the worse I will get it, I know, so I give a small sob, though no tears come, and knock on the door, taking two steps back immediately.

The door swings open, and my father glares down at me. He looks angry… very, very angry.

"I-I…" I begin.

"Inside," he hisses. "Now!" he reaches out and grabs my wrist, yanking me forward, and into the house. He closes the door behind us, and locks it again.

He begins the trek through the house to reach the dining room.

"Why the hell were you late, brat?" he asks as he delivers a few smacks to my rear end. I cry out quietly with each blow. I know this is just so he can take out some of his immediate range. I am really going to get it later. "You kept your mother and me waiting on dinner. I am hungry, boy." He stops walking, pulls me down over his arm, and says "And for that little… muggle… bitch?!" punctuating each word with an especially hard smack.

"I'm sorry!" he hits me again, and I cry out. He brings down his hand again. It hurts. I just want him to stop!

"Don't lie to me, brat!" he roars, pulling me back up and shaking me hard. A few tears roll down my face. "Tell me the truth!" He holds my upper arm with one hand and grabs my ear with his other. I hiss as more tears fall. "Look me in the eyes, brat." I slowly do what he says. "Now… tell me the truth." He spits.

"I… I a-am telling the truth," I say. I am lying to his face, and he knows it. I could never regret spending time with Lily. No matter how much trouble I get into. He let's go of my ear for a moment and hits me across the face, than grabs my chin, hard, and makes me look at him again.

"How dare you." He hits the other side of my face. "How _dare _you!" he roars again, squeezing my face. "You would risk being seen with that little muggle girl, risk our family's reputation, boy?" I shake my head furiously as tears start streaming in earnest. "You love that little muggle bitch! You prefer filthy muggles to your own kind!" he throws me away from him. "You… I don't…." he begins raving. I'm scared… I'm scared for her. If he gets the idea in his head that she is a temptation, I don't know what he will do to her. "I won't have to remove the distraction, will I, brat?" I shake my head rapidly.

"No!" I scream, "N-No, I'll never see her again! I'll do whatever you say! Please! Please, sir, don't! P-please!" I fall to my knees and grab the edge of my fathers robe. He kicks my side.

"We'll see, boy. We'll see. Perhaps if you can find the strength to stay away," he says mockingly, pulling my to my feet by my hair. I cry out in pain. He smacks me a few more times, really hard, and than drags me the rest of the way to the dining room. I sit down, uncomfortably, and look at my empty plate. I reach for the food to serve myself some, but my father interrupts saying

"And what do you think you're doing?"

"I… I'm just…" I stutter, still trying to calm down. My mother looks at my father in shock.

"He's getting food, Tobias." She says quietly. "Look at him, poor boy's exhausted. He's been through… too much today." Father must have told her that he found me with Lily today. She doesn't like what he does to me, but she can't say anything, or he'll hit her too. I don't want that to happen.

"Get upstairs, brat." My father says, with a nod toward the stairs. "I'll be up later to discuss your punishment."

"But… I thought you already…" What was all that that just happened if not punishment? I should have known he wouldn't be finished yet.

"You thought that was all you were going to get?" he asks in disbelief. "Even I thought you were smarter than that. What you did today is almost unforgivable, boy. I have to make sure you truly understand that what you have done was wrong and that I never see you doing it again." He says, beginning to eat. I'm so hungry. He looks at me. "I said get upstairs… unless you need some more discipline…"

"No!" I say, rising, "I'm going." I walk toward the stairs. My mother looks at me with tear filled eyes and mouths 'I am so sorry, son' when my father isn't looking. I hesitate by his chair when she does this, an obvious mistake, because he stands up abruptly, grabs my wrist, smacks my bottom a few more times, and drags me up the stairs to my room, where he sits me in a hard chair, and locks the door behind him.


	6. Chapter 6: Meeting Friends Sort Of

I looked up at the train. It was huge! A red shining metal beast on wheels, waiting to carry me away to Hogwarts. I felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped slightly. It

was my mother.

"You ready, sweetheart?" she asked, crouching down to look me in the eye as she put her hands on my shoulders. I nodded slightly, eyes darting around looking for any sign of my father. I bit my lip.

"Mom?" I asked quietly, as a thought popped into my mind. My brows furrowed in worry.

"What is it, Sev?" she asked back, noting my expression. "Are you alright?"

"Mom… how do they punish you at Hogwarts… y'know… if you do something… b-bad?" I asked, looking down and wringing my hands together. "'Cause I'm… I'm bad a lot… and I don't want it to be like… like with--"

"Are we ready?" came the booming voice of my father. I jumped at the sound.

"I-I… think so, sir," I said, averting my eyes. My mother lifted my chin slowly.

"Severus… they don't do that." I looked at her, slightly doubting. "Trust me," she said, winking. I gave her a small sad smile.

"Alright," I said, looking down again as she patted my shoulder and rose to her full height, to be pulled against his father and look the part of the wife and happy mother.

"Do what?" my father asked, looking suspiciously from his wife to his son.

"Nothing, dear," my mother cut in, saving me from a long explanation of stutters and 'ums', "he just wondered if they turned you into something unnatural for things." She laughed, as though it was just amusing child naivety they had been discussing. My father laughed as well, as the train whistle blasted behind me. I walked toward the train.

"Wait a moment, boy," my father called. I stopped and turned around, suddenly very nervous. "A word?"

"Yes, sir?" I asked, not knowing what to expect here. My father crouched down like my mother had, but the look in his eyes told everything in me to run.

"Don't do anything stupid, boy," he hissed. "I have sources at that school… I will know if you disgrace me in anyway, and if you do… well, Christmas won't be the happiest season of all. Got it?" I gulped, nodding frantically as my father stood.

"Goodbye, baby," my mother said, reaching out to hug me, but she was pulled back. I slowly lowered my arms, which I had raised to receive the comforting touch.

"Don't coddle the boy, Eileen. He's weak as it is." I felt my eyes fill with tears and turned away, grabbing my trunk and pulling it on the train.

He swiped at his face with his sleeve as he walked down the long corridors of the train, looking for an empty compartment. Finally stumbling across one, he dragged his trunk through the doorway and slid the door closed. Looking around at the small room, he saw a compartment above his head, where he assumed he was to put his trunk. The trouble was, he could barely lift it.

Standing on the red seat, I lugged my trunk up onto seat next to me. Panting heavily for a few moments, I grasped both edges of the trunk and heaved it up above my head, shaking with the weight. I gave it a mighty shove, accomplishing my goal, but losing my balance in the process. I flailed my arms around frantically, trying to regain control over my standing abilities, but failing miserably, falling to the floor, and hitting my head against the seat. Mumbling angrily, I rubbed the back of my head as tears of pain sprang to my eyes.

The compartment door slid open, revealing a red head, trunk in tow.

"L-Lily?!" I gasped, as she gave me a hand and helped me to my feet. "But I thought… but you're…" I stammered. I hadn't seen her since I had gotten in trouble. Anything to keep her safe.

"I know! I didn't have the slightest idea until I got the letter, but then… well, here I am! A Muggle-born witch!" She laughed at the look on my face. "Well, what do you think?"

"I… Lily, this is amazing! I'm so happy you're coming to Hogwarts! Maybe we'll be in the same House!" My smile grew with each statement. A confused expression crossed her face.

"House?" she asked.

"Oh! It's… well, it's like… a category of people… you are sorted into a house based on your character traits… like bravery, cunning, intelligence, kindness…" I trailed off.

"Oh… alright!" she agreed, still a bit confused. "Want to sit together?" she asked. I nodded, and helped her with her trunk. It was much easier with two. We each sat down on opposite sides of the compartment. "So… how have you been?" she asked quietly. After she had found out about my father's temper, I knew she would be like this... very comforting and full of pity. I shrugged, looking down at my new trainers. Only the best, my father had said, for a Snape going to Hogwarts. Deep down, I was humiliated. The prettiest girl I had ever seen had seen me get in trouble and had to stand up for me… she knew that I was weak.

"Lily, I--" I began before I was interrupted by the compartment door sliding open quickly. I jumped slightly. Looking up, I saw that it was just Lucius. With him was a blonde girl that I had seen a few times named Narcissa, and another girl with dark hair in a neat ponytail wearing a pretty red dress.

"Sev," said Lucius, walking in and sitting next to me, "we are finally on our way!" I grinned in response, greeting the ladies with a shy wave. "You remember Narcissa, Sev?" said Lucius, with a nonchalant nod toward his betrothed. I thought it was absolutely barbaric to arrange marriages for children as young as five, but that was how the world I lived in worked, and it was one custom that wasn't going to go away any time soon. It was quite common among pureblood wizarding families. I nodded in acknowledgement to Narcissa, before realizing that the other girl was staring at me intently.

"Umm… hello," I said, feeling uneasy under her stare. Her eyes were an icy blue color, and seemed to search my soul. I didn't like it one bit.

"Oh, that's her sister Bellatrix," said Lucius in a bored tone, beckoning to Narcissa to come and sit beside him. She complied, head bowed, hands folded, as though she was already a pureblood wife. Bellatrix looked nearly heartbroken at being so easily dismissed, but as this was unnoticed by Lucius, she turned back to me, saying, "Very pleased to meet you, Severus, I've heard so much about you," and sitting beside Lily. "Who is this?" she inquired looking directly into Lily's eyes. I was astounded that anyone could do so without being mesmerized by the color of her eyes. They were a pure emerald green.

"I'm Lily," said the redhead with a huge smile, extending her hand. "Lily Evans." Bellatrix took the hand and shook it lightly before folding her hands in her lap as her sister had done.

"Evans?" said Lucius, leaning forward in interest. "I've never heard of any Evans… where are you from?" he asked.

"Oh, I live near Sev, here," she replied, gesturing toward me. "Spinner's End."

"Hmm…. I thought we knew all the purebloods in that area. Are you new there?"

"Oh, no," Lily laughed. _No! _I thought. _No, Lily, don't! _"I'm not a pureblood." A collective gasp echoed through the compartment. Lily laughed nervously. "What?" she said, "I-is that bad?" She looked to me for reassurance and I shook his head ever so slightly. My mother had always taught me to respect everyone, and that Muggles and half-bloods were just as good as a pureblood wizard, sometimes better. Of course I listened to her instead of my father. I liked it this way better. It meant I could be friends with Lily.

"Y-you're a mudblood?" said Lucius in awe, looking at me in disbelief as if to say 'you're friends with_ this?_'

"A… a what?" said Lily, close to tears. I looked at her sympathetically. I was afraid to say anything because Lucius might tell Damarcus without thinking and then Damarcus would tell me father and.._. _

"A mudblood, a dirty mudblood!" shrieked Bellatrix. "Filth! Scum of the earth!" I looked at Lily and saw that she had silent tears coursing down her cheeks as she listened to these assaults against her.

"Bella," whispered Narcissa without raising her eyes from the floor. "That's enough, it isn't proper for you to--"

"Not proper?!" screamed her sister. "Not proper for me to put into action that which we have been taught since birth? Not proper for me to teach this scum that she is below us?" She pulled her wand out rapidly, aiming it at Lily, who gasped and scrambled to draw her own, but I had already risen, wand out in a dueling position.

"Put it down, miss." I said, making sure to be polite.

"You dare to tell me--"

"Put it _down_, miss." I said more pointedly. Bellatrix lowered her wand and I moved to sit beside Lily, wrapping an arm around her shoulders as she cried, her eyes now downcast.

"Sev, you… you…" I shook my head, wishing to discuss it later. The others rose and left the compartment, leaving me with Lily.


	7. Chapter 7: Sorting

The rest of the train ride was uneventful. Lily was quiet, even though I tried my best to cheer her up. I told her again and again that I didn't care that she was muggle-born, but she just kept staring at the floor, so I finally decided to give up. After that, the only thing I said was, "We should put our robes on, we'll be there soon."

The brakes shrieked in protest as the train slowed to a stop. Lily and I got our trunks down and joined the mob of students, now in robes, trying to get off the train. Finally, we stumbled off the train and onto the platform. There was a sign that said Hogsmeade, with an arrow to the left. Lily looked over at me.

"What do we do now?" she asked eagerly. Apparantly her excitement was stronger than her hurt feelings. Relieved that she was alright and back to her normal happy self, I started to answer that I didn't know, just as a voice behind me called, "Firs' years! All 'ogwarts firs' years! Come on now, you lot! Folla me! We got some boats the catch!" I turned to see a big hairy… giant. There was no other way to explain it. He was much too big to be a man. He had to be at least three feet taller than my father, I thought curiously. As soon as I had thought it, however, I wished I hadn't. A wave of terror hit me. My father had said he had connections at Hogwarts. Could this giant be one of them? And if he was, how long until her heard how I had disrespected Bella? And how long until he told me father? The Blacks were a very prestigious pureblood family, according to my father. Lucius' father had also told me this, when he was telling us of his son's engagement to Narcissa Black.

As I stood pondering all of this, Lily marched right up to the giant and said, "Hello, I'm Lily Evans," extending a hand. The giant took it in one of his. Half of her arm disappeared in his grip. He chuckled.

"Well, Lily Evans, I'm Hagrid, Rubeus Hagrid. Firs' year, are yeh?"

"Yes, sir, Mr. Hagrid."

"Oh, no, no," he laughed. "Jes' Hagrid." So his name was Hagrid. I frantically searched my memory. I couldn't recall my father ever speaking of anyone named Rubeus _or_ Hagrid. Feeling like an idiot, I finally made my feet move and walked over to stand by Lily.

"'ello there," said Hagrid. " 'o might you be, eh?"

"Severus," I told him. "Severus Snape."

"Nice to meet yeh, Sev'rus Snape," he said, shaking my hand. "Well, you two folla me, and we'll go and round up th'other firs' years."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

We followed Hagrid, me, Lily, and the other first years, to a lake. There were about fifty of us in all. There were boats floating at the water's edge. They could each fit about seven people. Lily went straight for one of them and I followed her. Lucius caught my eye with a questioning look. I motioned for him to come in our boat. He shrugged and walked over, Narcissa following as always, and Bellatrix trailing behind with an unpleasant smirk. I had forgotten that if I invited Lucius, they came as well. Too late now.

Finally all of us had been seated in the boats and Hagrid had climbed clumsily into ours, filling the last two seats. He raised a bright pink umbrella into the air and the boats all lurched forward. Slowly, we began to drift across the lake. Lucius leaned over the side of the boat and started to play with the water in a bored way. He poked the water a few times, and was about to again, when a huge hand grabbed his arm.

"I wouldn't be doin' tha' if I was you, might disturb th' squid."

Lucius didn't like being told what to do. He yanked his arm out of Hagrid's grip.

"Don't touch me," he hissed.

"He's just trying to keep you safe," said Lily. _Oh no… not again._

"Who asked you," said Bella pausing with a malicious grin. "Mudblood?"

"'ey now! There's no need for tha' kind o' talk!" said Hagrid, shocked.

I looked at Lucius, asking him for help silently. He nodded slightly before turning to his fiancé's sister.

"Stop it, Bellatrix," he said firmly. "Just leave her alone." Bella, shocked, opened her mouth to retort. She thought for a moment, closed her mouth and then sat back pouting at her sister's disapproving look. Lucius gave me a look that I clearly recognized as 'let's talk later.' I nodded and turned back to Lily. Her eyes were blazing. She wasn't hurt anymore, she was mad. As I began to ask if she was okay, she gasped.

"Oh, Sev! Look!" she said pointing. Up ahead, coming out of the mist, was Hogwarts.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After leaving the boats, we walked up to the castle. It was beautiful. When we got inside, we were met by a woman with brown, graying hair. She was wearing long purple robes.

"Hello, students!" she said. "I am Proffesor McConagall. I will be your Transfiguration professor. As some of you are aware, before we can begin to teach you, we must find you a place to live. Therefore, in a few moments, each of you will be sorted. Just line up and when I call your name, walk to the front. Ready? Alright." She turned away, walked forward, and entered the Great Hall. There were students there already. Hundreds of them, all older. We filed in behind her and waited. She reached the front and made a stool appear. On the stool was a hat. It was torn and old. She tapped it with her wand, and it began to sing. The hat began to sing!

"Welcome all to Hogwarts,

For another merry year.

Of magic and new tricks,

But first let me be clear.

Dangerous times are coming,

All of you beware,

In all you say and all you do,

Please be sure to take care.

But enough of this seriousness,

It's time to start the fun!

Let's sort through the first years,

A new year has begun!"

Thunderous applause broke out, amongst hoots and whistles. Professor McConagall unrolled a scroll and cleared her throat, calling, "Christopher Aron." The sorting had begun. Bellatrix and Narcissa were sorted into Slytherin. I listened as the professor called various names, Sirius Black, Bellatrix and Narcissa's cousin, was sorted into Gryffindor. His parents would not be pleased, but he looked ecstatic. There were also a few others sorted to Gryffindor, as well as some Slytherins, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs. I heard McGonagall call out "Lily Evans." Lily walked to the front and put the hat on her head. It hadn't even been there for a second when it called out, "GRYFFINDOR!"

I was stunned. That wasn't supposed to happen… she was supposed to be Slytherin… she and I were supposed to be in the same house, and be friends. This was all wrong. I _had _to be in Slytherin… I didn't want to know what my father would do if it was anything else. This was not happening!

Suddenly I heard "Lucius Malfoy." Lucius smirked at me and said, "Slytherin?"

"Slytherin," I replied, still in shock. Lucius was sorted into Slytherin. It was expected. I heard other names called, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Frank Longbottom… it went on forever. Finally, I heard "Severus Snape." I walked forward, still dumbstruck. I sat down, placed the hat on my head and heard the voice of the hat speak to me.

"You are worried about my choice, child?" It said.

"Yes," I replied in my head. I knew it could hear me.

"Well, where would you like to be?" It asked. And without thinking found myself answering,

"Gryffindor." I was shocked. That wasn't the right answer… I had been raised on Slytherin values, Slytherin thoughts… my room was in Slytherin colors... it always had been.

"Child, I feel your thoughts on Slytherin… I feel you would do well there… much better than you would in Gryffindor. I have a sense that you will not get along with Gryffindors very well, but that you already have friends in the Slytherin house."

"I have a friend in Gryffindor, too," I can't help but think, as the hat calls out "SLYTHERIN," and I get up and walk to the table amidst cheers and whistles.

I sat next to Lucius on the bench at our table, still struck dumb. When the sorting ended, Professor McConagall waved her wand and I looked down at my robe. On the left breast, green and silver thread had appeared and was weaving itself into the fabric. I watched as it quickly embroidered a crest with a snake on it. I was a Slytherin… and I was away from Lily.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

That night as the other boys in our dorm drifted to sleep, Lucius came and sat on my bed with me.

"So," he said casually. "What's with the mudblood?"

"Don't call her that," I say, not angrily, just pleading.

"Alright…" he says, confused. He sees nothing wrong with it. "What's going on with her?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say. I don't, I really don't.

"Do you…" he searches for words. "Like her?"

"No… not like that." I say. "She's my friend, Lucius."

"Alright," he replies. He still doesn't understand. He gets up and walks toward his bed.

"Lucius?" I call quietly. He turns around and looks at me. "… don't tell your dad, okay?"

I can see that he understands. He nods and walks to his bed, pulling the curtains closed and falling asleep. I do the same.


	8. Chapter 8: Meeting the Marauders

**A/n: I cannot even BEGIN to apologize for the long long wait… what with my senior year of high school and starting college, I have been massively busy! I am so sorry! I hope someone will still bother to read this… anyway, on with the show! **

Our first few years of Hogwarts were uneventful. Everyday we had the same routine, same people, same classes. Around Halloween our first year, some of the other students got homesick, but I didn't. I missed my mother every now and then, and hoped she was alright, but I felt no desire to go home. I was content. I sat with Lucius at lunch, which led to me getting to know more about Bellatrix and Narcissa, as Narcissa followed Lucius like a lost puppy, and Bellatrix followed her sister for lack of something better to do, but I was always waiting for opportunities to spend time with Lily. I hadn't forgotten what my father had said to me at the station, though; he continued to tell me every year. Once in our second year it did get back to him that I had been spending time with Lily, and I have no desire to repeat what happened that summer. When he picked me up at the station, he said, "Let's go. We have things to discuss," before turning and walking away. Shocked and confused I followed him, not knowing how I could possibly be in trouble already. When we got inside our house, he grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, dragged me upstairs, tore off my robe, threw me on the bed, and beat me bloody. I screamed and sobbed into my pillow for the better part of ten minutes as the whipping continued. When he was finished, he grabbed a fistful of my hair and said, "Is a mudblood really worth this, boy?" before storming out and locking my door. It was three days before I was let out.

Lily knew I had gotten in trouble; she said she had seen us leave the train station and she just knew that he was going to do something awful to me. She asked if it was because of her and I told her it wasn't, but she saw right through it and told me that we would have to be more careful. I was able to figure out by our third year who my father had assigned to watch and report to him, one of the older Slytherin boys, and I carefully snuck around learning his schedule until I knew when he was busy and when he wasn't. Lily and I met in secret as often as we could, but the meetings were few and far between. So I was stuck with the Slytherins.

Narcissa was quiet, always poised, always proper, but I could see a strange look in her eyes when she looked at Lucius sometimes, like she wanted to just run and never stop. Bellatrix on the other hand…

Bellatrix was what you would call a terror. She always had a gleam in her eyes that at first could be mistaken for a lust for adventure, but after a while, could be identified as a thirst for mischief. She was always trying to pick fights… always. She didn't care who with, but preferably with Lily or one of the other muggle-borns. She was always fidgeting, playing with her wand, or with her hair, which often wound up in knots from her constant fussing. At times, she could be rather unsettling.

Overall, school was a good place to be. I liked to learn and things were going well. That is until one day in December of our third year.

I was with Lily down on the water's edge of the lake, as the Slytherin who was watching me had a lunch detention with McGonagall, and we were contentedly talking, wrapped in our cloaks. It had snowed the night before, and we were sitting on some rocks to try and stay dry. We watched the lake as the reflection of the winter sky glistened on its surface, and every now and then we threw rocks.

After a while, we heard some voices behind us. It was some other Gryffindors, and I assumed they were friends of Lily's so, reluctantly, I didn't say anything as they came down to where we were.

"Hey, Evans. Who's your friend?" said one of them, a boy with messy black hair and glasses. Lily sighed, and I realized a few seconds too late that she didn't like them at all. There were three others with him; a boy with brown hair who looked very relaxed, a boy with black wavy hair, who seemed mischievous, and a boy with mousy brown hair who constantly looked as though he was waiting for something bad to happen. I had seen them before. Their names were James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. They were inseparable. James had a crush on Lily. Everyone could see it, except for her. He was constantly trying to get her attention. I wasn't surprised he didn't know who I was… not many people did.

"Yah Lily, why didn't you tell us you had a friend? We would have thought you didn't have any," said Sirius. I could tell he was trying to get a rise out of her. Lily had lots of friends.

"Shut up, Sirius." She said. She sighed. "James, this is Severus," she answered his question, gesturing to me. I waved.

"Severus, huh?" James said, walking up to me. "You know, Lily, I never would have pegged you for a snake lover. And Severus" he said, hissing the "s" of my name, "is most definitely a Slytherin."

"James, stop it. Go away, no one asked you to be here." Lily said, stepping beside me.

"Well maybe we are just waiting for an invitation," Sirius said. He too walked up.

"Well you're not invited. As you can see, there isn't room for you lot anyway." With that, she took her seat on the rocks again, and I sat beside her, thinking that the conversation had been effectively ended.

"Well maybe we'll just have to make some room," Sirius said.

"After all, there are far too many Slytherin's as it is," James said, and then I felt a hard shove to my back. Startled, I tumbled forward, standing in front of the rock I had been seated on as I tried not to fall face first into the snow. Slipping on an icy patch, I tumbled into the water.

It was freezing. Like knives all over my body, I turned myself right-side up and sat up, gasping for air and shivering as the icy air hit my already frozen and soaked skin. As I stood, I heard laughter. James, and Sirius were guffawing as though it was the funniest thing in the world… after a few seconds Remus and Peter joined in, but hesitantly as though they only did so to avoid being left out.

"You jerks! Go away, Potter!" Lily yelled before jumping from her seat to pull me out of the water. Still laughing, Potter and his friends complied, every now and then looking back to see me shivering, and laughing harder still. "Sev, are you alright?" Lily answered.

"I'm f-f-fine," I shivered, my teeth crashing against each other as I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to find heat.

"Are you sure? You had better go and get dry." Lily said, her eyes full of concern. I realized with a shock that I liked that look in her eyes, because it was directed at me.

"Y-yeah…" I stuttered. "I'll d-d-do that."

Lily and I walked to the castle together before we parted ways, Lily going to Gryffindor, and I down to Slytherin.

As I entered our dorm, Lucius looked up at me in shock. He was lying on his bed reading a Quidditch magazine.

"Sev… you're soaked, what happened?" he asked, swinging his legs off the side of his bed.

"P-p-potter…" I said as I rummaged in my trunk for some dry clothes. "Pushed me in t-the l-l-lake."

"What a jack-ass." Lucius said.

"Y-y-yeah. I'm gonna go sh-shower and get w-w-warm." I said before heading towards the bathroom.

After that, Potter and his friends realized that the best way to get Lily's attention was to torture me… and they did.

**A/n: Hope you enjoyed! Just so you all know, this story is not set in stone as to where the plot line will go. Let me know if there is anything you want to see… ideas for things that could happen to poor Sev, etc. :D Also I can always revise chapters if there is something you would like to see happen in first, second, or third year that I didn't cover here. Thanks! **


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